And There's Reason to Believe...

(The winter view from inside the house. Lots of white stuff, lots of bird watching.)

A long December, and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last....

That's one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite albums list by The Counting Crows. I connect with the entire song, but it seems that I have put a couple of the lines on repeat over the past several years.

I didn't really have a long December, but I had a long January. The first couple weeks after surgery seemed to drag on forever, and after that, I felt like my cast days would never end.

(Mark say's scars are cool. So I must be really cool, right Mark? HaHa)

Now that I'm at the 6 week mark, I'm happy to say that they did. I'm back to riding on the trainer and now that I'm clipped back in, I'm slowly working on creeping up my average watts. Slowly.

(I'm always amazed at the self healing power God has given our bodies. Pic of the ankle a few days after surgery above. And looking like a completely different ankle at 6 weeks below)

Otherwise, I have a couple other things going on with the foot. Last year, I silently struggled with a horrible case of "hot toe." I won't drag into this, but let me just say that it is the single most painful ordeal I have ever had. I know that a painful toe sound wimpy, but everything on a bike goes through your foot. Basically, my years of sports and riding with improper footwear along with everything else going on with my foot, has left me with micro nerve damage around that area. I was hoping the time in the cast would help, but as soon as I clipped back in, the pain was back. Long story short, I've not been given much hope medically for this, A couple weeks ago, I was beginning to resolve that my cycling career would come to an end. I couldn't see any way to put in the time in the saddle required to ride at an elite level and handle the pain... and I've handled plenty of pain, but this was too much. So I spent one last effort in focusing on my shoe insoles. I spent the next few days cutting up insoles, putting in wedges, and trying anything to get the pressure off my joint and nerves. Nothing.

I wasn't ready to give up though. I've never had a problem with realizing that other people know more about certain things than me and allocating their knowledge to help me. I knew David Coar at Summit City Bicycles is one of the best bike fitters in the US and that if Dave couldn't help me, he would also have no pride about finding someone who may be able to. So I spent an afternoon with Dave and Barry McManus at Summit picking apart my feet. We spent 3 hours on the issue. Three weeks later, my hot foot is almost gone! We made some changes that weren't so "cool, " but at least my feet aren't hot.

What's the point to this story, other then you all are so happy I won't be retiring from cycling? Well, it's the good old saying: don't ever give up. I've seen many personal struggles over the past 3 years with injuries, I've had some moments where I wanted to just give up the struggle to get better and make it back to elite racing fitness. Mostly, I've not let those negative thoughts enter my mind, letting an injury decide my fate was not an option. It didn't even cross my mind, that I won't get better, but this time it did, and I worked my way past it and that's really empowering. I spent over a year dealing with a chronic injury, on top of my other acute injuries, and after persistence I feel it is going to be beat.

The other take home message is this: don't ever give up in others. Dave, Dr Porter, and Barry, never gave up on me. They spent a lot of time trying to help me. They didn't have to, and as each of us live out our daily life's, we could all give a little more thought into helping each other- it makes a world of difference to some people- gives them reason to believe. Now, I believe I can ride for the rest of my life.

What will your caring thought do for someone?

~We need to give each other reasons to believe that the world isn't "full of oyster's with no pearls."

Otherwise, surgery related, I am still having a major issue that is causing me a great amount of pain. I won't get into it now but I go see Doc on Wednesday for my 6 week follow-up and I should get some more information on what is going on then, if I don't cut my foot off by then. Haha.

Seriously, I'm sure I'll work through it in time; it's just a tough blow right now and tough to be in pain, but I'm beginning to not know what it's like to not have pain.

Should make those cross races in the future seem like a piece of cake!

~ In loving memory of my furry sister Pertties that died 2/2/11. You were definitely a pearl!