Mixed Nuts

I feel like a bag of mixed nuts these days.

Some nuts you really like, some are just okay, and some you just can't stand.

That seems to be how my recovery is going as of the last couple weeks. Some things have been really good, some okay, and some really bad.

In some regards I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I expected to be at this 7 week mark. Despite only being out of the cast for a short time, the favorable weather conditions have allowed me to get in 5 rides outside thus far. After countless, mind numbing easy spins on the trainer, I kinda surprised myself by pulling out decent power outputs including a nice 3 hour group ride today. If anyone would have told me I could even think of riding outside for 3 hours 7 weeks post-op, I would have said "no way." It was like finding a cashew in an "all nut" mix. Otherwise, I have made great strides with my "hot toe" issues as I eluded to the last post. I feel I have won that battle... as far as I can tell. That was huge! Those are some good nuts!

Everything structurally in my foot and ankle that was repaired is intact and healing great. Now its just a matter of getting my strength back to all the little ligaments, muscles, and overall leg. Now that I have had the leg out of the cast in the open, it's been a little weird getting accustomed to numbness on the outer part of my ankle and foot. Since this nerve was removed, it will forever be totally numb and the hardest part seems to be avoiding cutting my leg up when I shave since I can't feel how hard I am pushing. Haha!

The okay things; the expected parts; like plain old nuts, are what I consider the grunt work of post surgery. Physical therapy, stretching, icing, and the steady climb to build the endurance base back up. This all seems to get lost in the shuffle between point A (surgery day) and point B (race fitness or complete recovery). It's not exciting, glorious, gory, or spectacular. Just a slow grind that has to be done to get well. It's just okay. Filler nuts, I'm used to that.

So my bad nut?

Well, I have been avoiding a post the last week since I didn't really have anything nice to say about it. But it always seems at least one bad nut gets stuck in the bag, especially for me. Sometimes it gets found and tossed out before you eat it, but other times it finds its way to your mouth and lingers with bitterness for a while. I was kinda holding my breath hoping the "issue" would go away, but it has done quite the opposite. For lack of a better explanation; my foot is really messed up. Nothing new there, and I won't get into too many details here since this really is getting a bit complicated. I now have new pain on the inside of my foot and ankle that is most likely what the Dr thinks is tarsal tunnel syndrome(TTS) possibly, or possibly reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD), which is a complicated pain syndrome. What seemed to be a minor concern last week has quickly turned into a major worry this week. After having some steroid injections last week to pinpoint and calm down the area, the compression on the nerves in the tunnel have now left the bottom of my heel completely numb with some electric bolts mixed in along with severe arch pain. This pain and shock wave now seem to be working their way up my calf muscle.

It's a bad nut.

This is a really tense time for me, I'm a little overwhelmed by this new problem. Not only does my immediate outcome worry me with this, I also am dealing with large amounts of pain on a daily basis again; which is exhausting to say the least. This comes as a bit of a major blow just when I thought I could get back on my feet again, and I'm really just plain tired of discussing my foot and ankle issue. I want so badly to be a normal person without an injury, and I'm going to get there some day.

The thing is; I have to keep my faith that this will all turn out okay. I feel like I'm in the book of Exodus right now. I'm walking through the desert, it's really, really hard, I don't know what awaits me in the end, but I know that I must trust God to make everything all right. The important thing is that at least I'm walking.... even if it is with a limp.

I'm not sure what will happen in the next couple weeks or what my near future holds, but I'm going to keep on walking... walking while keeping the faith.

I may have some bad nuts in my mix, but I also have some choice ones too, I just have to find them and throw out the bad ones!

"So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10 New International Version