What Other Choice Do I Have?

(First race in a elite women's field. Felt great to take off on the start line again!

Thanks to all photos here from Cycle Exposure www.cycleexposure.com)

(It had been a long time since I stepped up on a real podium. Snuck in a 3rd place at Yorktown ICX)

We all know life full of ups and downs. The risks of failure is never a reason to not attempt to win in my mind. Life goes so up sometimes because of the work you made digging out of the holes you are in because you go out on a limb and fall way down. That's why just being "okay" in life isn't "okay" with me. I like to live life with a full on chance of all out high or all out low.

Right now, I'm feel like a born again cyclist. Everything is a monumental accomplishment. My first 3 hour ride, my first time making it up that hill, the first time racing cross again... whatever it is, I feel like I am doing it all from scratch. I know all the cycling culture, rules, and history, but the physical part is a work from the ground up.

So what other choice do I have? 4 months ago when I needed someone help me do simple things like brush my teeth for me, or when I had to live with my parents after coming home from the hospital for weeks, it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't get better some day to take care of myself. I just focused on each day get better. I was in a big valley with the peaks far away. I didn't like where I was at, but appreciated everything and every moment for what I did have knowing I would get better.

Fast forward about 5 months... and I did my first sanctioned cycling race in an elite women's field. I was so excited to even get to line up that I was like a newbie. The race was near Marion College in Indy and there were a handful of young college gals I was racing against. After going through everything I've went through in the last year... I felt a million years older around them.

I was super excited to be out there at the races again and I was curious to see where I would fair against a women's field. Well, turns out I was still in the valley. I didn't come in last, just next to it, and it was a very humble experience to be beat by people I used to easily beat. BUT my mind wasn't in the valley, I was looking towards the peaks. It takes some hard mental strength to go from being on top of the podium to the back of the pack. Very hard in fact, but I know these are all just steps I must take in order to feel that high high again, and that these struggles now will make getting back there even better. What other choice do I have? I am just happy (for now) to be out there doing something most "normal" people couldn't even do.

(Planet Adventure and ICX put together a fun course. Complete with run up to test out the running flex of the new D2 Fang shoes!)

I also did another race this past weekend in Yorktown with the newly beefed up Indiana Cyclocross Cup series. After a tough week recovering from the MTV race and also trying to fight a sinus and ear infection, plus a full week of passing gas (anesthesia), I decided to give it a go. Once race day arrived I actually felt pretty decent for me and I was happy to roll around the course and put in a solid, steady effort compared to previous weeks. I felt I was getting the hang of attacking the course a little better. I know I still am being smart and not taking too many risks since I'm on blood thinners... but I'll get my groove back once I know it's safer.

(I've still got to wait a bit to get my "groove" back, but week by week I try to relearn what I once did so easily).

Soooo, even though it's been frustrating and humbling to ride and compete in a different respect right now, I'm still happy to be out there and thankful to write a race report! I'm not saying I'm content with staying in the position I'm in right now... but I'm taking it all in and learning to appreciate, love, and be thankful for the blessing I HAVE been given to be out there so I'm enjoying everything and every moment around me.

What other choice do I have?