What about "some must watch..."

I have been asked a couple times what my blog title has to do with cycling. The answer is: it does and it doesn't have anything to do with it. It really is a reference to my career as a nurse anesthetist. The next question I get is: "what is that, you mean you assist the anesthesiologist?" No. Not even close. I practice independently from any supervision and I do the exact same thing a MD does everyday. Simply, Md's trained in medical school before their residency and nurses trained in nursing school before our residency in anesthesia. People think we are nurse practitioner type practitioner's and that is not even close either. I like to tell people that 72% of anesthesia in this country is done by crna's (certified registered nurse anesthetists) and anesthesia was started by crna's long before Md's did it. Those are the facts, but people assume we are doctors and get a little confused. I don't "pretend" to be a doctor, I am upfront with my title and very proud that I have a nurse's holistic upbringing. Frankly, it would take pages of this blog to explain what it is I do, so I won't. Matter of fact, most medical professionals don't know what we do with the exception of operating room staff, surgeons, and ob staff. Yep, everybody else really doesn't know, including the patient. And that is okay with me, I always chuckle to myself when the patient tells the surgeon to "not let them die" during surgery. The fact is, when the pt IS dying in surgery the surgeon looks up to anesthesia to not let the pt die. I'm not looking for glory here, just trying to explain. If I wanted glory I would have chosen another profession, I like to help behind the scenes. Just like glory isn't found in cycling. I seldom talk about my job here, but truthfully, it is a huge part of who I am, and I love it even when I hate it. 

That said, what does this have to do with anything? Well, I was reading a article in a cycling magazine the other day while I was sitting around in my call room at work, about how cycling can improve your job performance. I think this is true for many reasons, but then I thought about how my life in anesthesia makes me a better cyclist. There are many downfalls to it not helping. Long hours, high stress, standing, out of work responsibilities, being call in the middle of the night, and did I mention getting up in the middle of the night? It can make squeezing in training, travel and racing very hard. But it also can help my cycling in many ways. 

(A long day doing anesthesia for brain surgery awaits in training at Northwestern '05, its 545 am, do I look awake? --photo)

Let me regress:

When I first decided to go into anesthesia I was an RN working in the ER. I remember that when I told my good friend (the ER M

D) what I was going to do, he shook his head with a grim look. He looked at me and said, "Are you sure you want to do that? Why don't you just become an ER doctor? The problem with anesthesia is that your mistakes go to the grave." I thought he was joking, an ER doctor surly has more risk than anesthesia. I know now, that he was right. I haven't made any mistakes that cost a person their life, but I know now that not being on top of my game during every moment could. Even if I have been working 20 hours straight. I have seen many people die for many different reasons and I NEVER 

want to be that reason. In anesthesia, when things go bad, it goes very bad and very quickly. I think about that during every case, every day. I go over every situation that could happen for every type of surgery and person, again and again and how I will handle it. Bad things have happened and I handle it coolly and calmly because I'm ready, I have trained for it. Let me also say that for the vast majority of daily surgery we make it very safe (don't want to scare anyone).

Once again, how does this matter to cycling? First off, nothing could happen in cycling that is the end of the world. If I have a bad race or get a mechanical, the world won't end. Trust me, their is a feeling much worse than losing a race. Racing is a game in life, not life itself.

Secondly, all that practice of visualization at work goes directly to cycling. I visualize every thing before I race. Everything, and how I will handle it if it goes good or bad. I know this helps me personally attain what I am shooting for. If I know the coarse, I sear the images in my mind and go over and over how I will take a section or line. I even imagine what it will feel like to stand on top of the podium.

(Party time in Chi town: getting my Master's with fellow residents ->)

Also, I learn to keep my cool. When the entire OR is looking at me when shit hits the fan, it's not the time to start freaking out. Plus, there is no time to freak out, things need done. In cycling, things will almost always not go as planned. It won't do any good to freak out when you are heading cliff side out of control. You need to stay calm and get it back on the trail. When you get passed, you have to focus on how to get the position back. Cycling and anesthesia is the time to focus and be calm in a chaotic atmosphere.

Plus, anesthesia helps me be aware of everything around me. I may look like I sit in a black chair all day, but my senses are in overdrive. I hear everything and smell everything and see everything. I could tell you everything about the pt (heart rate, rhythm, how fast I have the ventilator going, oxygen level, etc) just by hearing alone. Sometimes, I could tell you what is going on "in the surgical field" just by smell. Cycling is like a cocaine addict on a high. Every sense is on edge, just like anesthesia. I can tell you when someone is gonna try and make a jump on me by hearing them downshift, or I can smell changes in my sweat that is more acidic than usual letting me know to back off a minute (gross I know). Not to mention the fact that I have a complete understanding of the body, how it responds to stress (cycling), how it handles byproducts of physical damage, and how this relates to how I feel at that moment.

Lastly, both are about control. I can control every aspect of a person under anesthesia (I'm talking as a professional, so no smart ideas here). If I want the heart rate high, I can do that. If I want to render the muscles unable to move, I can do that. I am in control and the same goes for cycling. We train and eat and sleep to see direct results in our bodies and bicycling skills. Having control of what our body is doing is very empowering.

( Below: Racing Brown County DRT to a 1st place this year, doin what I know and love!)

So many things that anesthesia does, I have to wander, which passion helps the other the most. I guess they both are a great compliment, and I love both of them equally. I get a rush every time I step on the bike, even after all these years. Sticking a needle in someones back, or having a smooth intubation, or easing a persons anesthesia fear does it for me too. Both take many hours of dedication, but the payoff is so sweet, and that is my life as I know it. On the eve of my 33rd birthday I realize I know 2 things very well: cycling and anesthesia. That's why my blog title considers both.

However, I have to say though, as much as I love cycling, the payoff of a person's life will always be sweeter! I'm truly blessed to be the person that watches, while others sleep!