Waiting to See the Wizard

"No one sees the Great Oz. Not no one. Not no how."

I think we all know what that comes from... The Wizard of Oz of course.

Well, at this point I feel like I'm waiting to see the wizard. I've always had this standing joke on the practitioner side of my life that us health care workers are seen as wizards by the patients. I don't have any religious backing to it, it just refers to the Wizard of Oz. You see, it seems everyday that it gets harder and harder to get into see a health care person in this day and age for an appointment. After all, who gets into high end health care anymore? It's a hard job (highly rewarding) and trust me, the pay doesn't add up to the risks that could be found in other 9-5 jobs in this country. Back to the point. So whenever a page or appointment is finally granted to see "the wizard" it is anxiously awaited by the person to see this magical being that will hold hope and answers to the future. And while that may be true in some aspects, really some may find "the wizard" to be a bit of a let down... just a normal guy standing behind a curtain. Just like in the movie. Don't get me wrong, I'm one of those wizards and I take it very seriously knowing that what I do has a great impact on a person's life, but the fact is, aside from my education and training, I'm just a normal person like everyone else. Now that I'm in the reverse role, I see how it feels to wait for "the wizard." But really, I joke about saying this and I know my real wizard sits on a throne and can't be seen here on earth... He's the One's answers I really await to hear. So it's just a joke, just an analogy like The Wizard of Oz is filled with, but I'm waiting to see the wizard at this point.

Right now all I can really do is wait to see the wizard. After having some more nerve conduction tests last week with the neurologist at Lutheran, in which I was faced with more needles and electrical currents being sent through my body, things came back strongly positive for some neuromuscular problem... probable myasthenia. As a result, the specialist here is now sending me to a top specialist in the country. I was thankful my neuro here had some pretty close friends that have elevated to the top of the MG field, and after some personal phone calls were made and my case was discussed, I am on a fast track to see a doctor at IU Medical Center on the 12th to have some more nerve testing done and discuss my problems further. It seems like forever to wait this long to get some more answers since I am so anxious to get back to normal life and get back to work, but I am getting a true lesson in being patient through this and now understanding that sorting out this disease is not going to be a quick fix like a broken bone or a surgery waiting to heal. So I have no other choice but to wait and be patient.

Day by day I know I'm getting stronger. I am now going for short walks in my neighborhood, able to manage my house, and getting out in the real world in small ways. At times, I believe I am able to return to work... then I realize that it's not possible since a walk around the grocery store is exhausting... but I'm getting closer everyday. At best, the neurologist is shooting for me to return to work in Sept. At best.

Since I started this blog many moons ago to keep everyone up to date on my cycling adventures, let me touch on my cycling thoughts with all this.

I know a lot of people have the thought in their mind that my cycling career is pretty much done given the fact that I'm dealing with a problem that not only has been affecting my lungs, but more seriously the neuromuscular system. Two pretty import things vital to cycling! Honestly, I would be lying if I told you that thought didn't cross my mind a couple times, but I'm determined to be back on the bike someday. I've been asked a lot about when I may be able to get back to riding again. Well, the answer is that I have no idea and it's not really the main concern right now. Yes, I miss it dearly, but right now, I have something bigger than the bike to deal with. The bike will always be there. Always.

Right now, I'm still facing recovering from a serious illness that about took my life, and now also trying to fight a long term disease that could effect me the rest of my life, along with still recovering from ankle surgery. I don't know when I'll ride again, race again, or what will happen when I do... but I WILL. Right now I'm waiting to see the wizard, but don't think for a second that I'm not believing and dreaming that I can do it. I'm on the Yellow Brick Road, and in the end my dream will come true... however I dream it to be.

Once again I am overwhelmed by all the love I've had through all this. I've really learned that there are so many good people out in the world. I have been so blessed by the love of several people in the OB Dept at KCH (among others) that have helped in so many ways, I'm so thankful for them along with my good friend Anne especially. This has brought on so much more than just physical problems; the emotions and issues of such a serious event have really tested me in many way and having so many people help, aside from my family, has solidified my faith in the world in general and has been a rainbow in all of this!

Thank you all so much and God Bless.

"A place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away. Behind the moon, beyond the rain."