June in a Nutshell

Well, so June is almost over and that means July is just around the corner. I've had an up and down June...  but what's new? I'm not complaining since I know the "down" could be much worse. Basically, June was this: 2 weeks of flu/sickness, then 2 weeks of getting back to health. 

(Leading the pack at the Fort 4 Fitness event, Sierra in 2nd here would trade me places once it was all said and done. Photo A. Hoffman) 

I pretty much had a good time in June when I wasn't sick... just didn't really have the results in races that I was hoping for. I've been doing some racing here and there though... 

(Taking chase at the Fort 4 Fitness race! Photo: Andrew Hoffman http://fortwayne.myneighborlink.org/)

I had a fun time at the Fort 4 Fitness Road crit in Fort Wayne where I was able to come away with a 2nd place in front of my team's (Men of Steel Racing http://www.menofsteelracing.com/) home crowd. Of course, I would have loved to win, but I didn't play all my cards right. I let a solo rider get a break and I hesitated to chase since I thought the pack would pursuit... turns out they did not, and by the time I took after her, it was a bit too late. I soloed for 2nd and I was feeling pretty happy about how I powered through the race with so little high end training. I felt a bit off the entire night and later found out why. I spent the drive home throwing up and scooting to the bathroom. Yuckers! I was just thankful my Sis had made the trip with me and despite how crummy the day ended, we had a good time together before hand. 

(Loved racing past the buildings in downtown Fort Wayne, IN. Cycling leads to so many cool things that just can't be experienced any other way! Thanks for the sweet photos: Andrew Hoffman) 

And that pretty much started it all. I felt pretty crummy for the next week, as did my entire family. I hate that they were sick, but at least I didn't feel like I was the only germ catching person around me. Since the NDE, every bug that comes anywhere in a 2 mile radius of me has me down for the count, and while I was hit the hardest, at least I knew it was going around. 

Of course, this was the week heading up to the BCSP DINO race and a planned mini trip and cabin getaway with my Mom and Sis. We were all sick and almost pulled the plug on the trip, but right at the very last minute, we decided that we could be sick just as well at the cabin, so might as well go. We made the 4 hr drive down okay, got settled in and I started resting for the next day's race. 

I woke up the day of the BCSP DINO race NOT feeling it at all. I wasn't deathly ill, but I wasn't good either. I knew me being off the bike all week and the lack of energy would not fair me well at a venue that doesn't suite me well to begin with. That pretty much says it all... no need to get into details. I put forth what I had, did my best for that day, had a fun time, and have since put it behind me. 

After that, the flu bug took over and I was forced to let it take its course for another week before getting back on the bike. 

I finally came back to life and was itching to get going at the races again. Sooo after being off the bike for a while I decided to do some crit racing. That was a jump start back! I headed up to South Bend to basically tick my legs off. It was a cool race and I really liked the course. Lots of turns, some straights, and it was around the college football hall of fame! What more could an ND FB fan want? 

We had a small but quality field of women. The promoter bunched us in with the Master's men which completely changed the race for us, but it is what it is. I think I had a pretty good race and did my best to play it smart. I had some major, major quad cramps every time I stood to attack, so eventually I didn't attack. I'm still a little weary when I have these cramps happen, I'm a little afraid that it's the myasthenia gravis and that pushing it a bit too far will lead me back in the ICU on a vent. Once a MG crisis occurs, the body basically doesn't have the energy to even be able to breath for itself... so I'm really going through a big  learning process to be safe and smart yet still be able to race. I'll get it down at some point... it just isn't something to mess around with! 

(Once again... cool places cycling can take a person... warmed up on the trainer on the astroturf in front of the Football Hall of Fame)

Anyway, we ended up in a 3 way sprint at the end! I came out 2nd, but we were all bar to bar! It was a lot of fun and I was happy with 2nd considering the lack of fitness and the fact that my quads stayed in the contracted state the whole time I did my cool down lap. It was total mind over matter to stand and sprint for that 2nd place at the end.

(I was so proud of my buddy Josh "Joshie" Johnson for taking his 1st PRO road win this month!)

So what else then??? Oh yeah, I did a race up in Lansing, MI last weekend. I would have loved to do the B'town crit, but at this point I am trying to conserve as much energy and resources as possible to get recovered from being sick. Plus, I know once cx season gets here there will be plenty of time to survey the roads and hotels of our country! So I opted to head to Lansing which was about 1hr closer to home. The race there had a pretty good turnout, 10 riders maybe? Since I didn't know any of the riders... it was a bit fun to learn each rider as the race progressed. All of the gals there were pretty speedy and I could tell they were all there for business that day. I really just wanted to stick with the group and not get dropped. Well, I did get dropped on a prime lap, but I fought my way back solo and was pretty stoked to stay with the gals for the remainder of the race and was even right there for the sprint in the end. I  came out 6th, which was about 1 tire width out of the payout...  Love those sprint finishes though! 

So all in all, it's been a crazy June but that's the way it goes! I'm not gonna get caught up on the results this month. I had some really fun times and good memories to keep with me.

In reality, June was a big deal to me in my life this year. It marked the 1 year anniversary of my near life ending event... so what do I have to complain about? I really feel June 16th is like my 2nd birthday... the day God let me live again. August 23rd was my birth as a person, but June 16th was a birth again that made me be so much more aware of how valuable the gift of life truly is!

Photo Cred...

Almost forgot to give credit where credit is due. New blog title photo from William Snyder http://prints.williamlsnyder.com/ . Check out some of his nice work in your free time.... and buy a photo or two and support those taking time to sit in trail brush to get a picture of you riding your bike!

2 Wins, 2 Days...and a 2nd Place!

Well, another Fat and Skinny weekend is done and although I put up some respectable results, I feel like I was really just "training" my way through the race weekend and can now move on to considering the rest of the summer as "racing." I say that because of my lack of preparedness I've had on the bike with the cyclist knee all spring, and even though I wasn't too far off the lap times I posted last year, I had to work for every second of it. It is what it is though, and I think as a general rule, most of us cyclist hardly ever feel truly as fit as we ever want to be going into a race. At least for me in my 20 something years of racing, I've only maybe felt prepared as much as I wanted to be about 10 times. Regardless, I mustered up a 2nd place in Saturday's DINO XC event, losing only by 20 seconds or so, pushed through leg cramps in the 35 mile road race a couple hours after finishing that, and endured a 2 full lap mtb time trial and a short track on Sunday for two wins! And it was a hot weekend for us Northerners!

Saturday's race results were a complete shock to me. Honestly, I knew at least 4 of the other gals had several more races under their belt thus far this season than I have had, and knowing how little proper training I had, I really was just hoping to hang on for a top 5 finish. So before the race, I had almost zero race day nervousness, it's hard to be nervous when lack of fitness is totally out of your control. Turns out maybe I should have channeled some nerves to get the adrenaline flowing as I found myself in a nice position in second place behind Sierra S going into the single track. After a short spell, I passed by her on a bit of a technical log and hung out in 1st place for quite a while of the 1st lap until the eventual winner caught up to me. I decided to let her take the lead so I could just hang out behind her and put the pressure on while she would pick her way through the massive amount of cat 2 men we had to pass while not giving away my home trail lines. This all worked out like a good plan most of the race until it didn't. I was feeling great just hanging out until one of the men I was trying (and I say trying like I had been asking him for several hundred yards to let me by) decided to come over "on the left" on me after I yelled "I'm now passing on your left" about 4 times. This little move by him planted me straight into a tree, along with my right shifter. I spent way too much time untangling my bike from underbrush and with that, away went my contact with the leader. I spent the remaining time trying to catch back up... which I did pretty well, only to fall short by less than a minute. I was happy with second really, but it was so frustrating to have it be that way. I know it's a tough course to pass on, but I feel like the hardest part of the race was trying to pick my way through the cat 2 men's field than actually racing the course and my competitors, but I know 1st place had to do the same. I just wish the promoter would be so kind as to let us cat 1 gals start in front of the 40+ cat 2 men so we could run our race as a race. All in all, my satisfaction on the day came down to how I did personally, and I felt I gave it all I had and exceeded my expectations. Can't ask for more than that!

(Hanging out at the start of the Planet Adventure Short Track start with Mr Will. Keep your eyes on this kiddo... he's got a bright cycling future! )

Shortly after the xc, I chatted around a bit with the dirt crowd and made a last minute decision to do the  road race. I should have chatted less and rehydrate more... but I packed up and headed over to the skinny wheel side of the weekend. The road race had a good number of gals at the start and I was looking forward to riding around with the group for a bit. Alas, it wasn't to be. With my Garmin 500 giving me a temp reading of 101 and me with little re hydration... once the real racing got started I immediately cramped pretty bad and the main field left me behind. I found another gal to ride with for a couple laps, but I knew the catching the main group without my hamstrings wouldn't work out. I gave a dnf a serious thought several times, but as the song goes: I shaved my legs, I paid my money..... so I was sure as heck gonna start what I finished! 

After the 2 races in the heat, I was given a good lesson in what the neurologist expert in myesthenia gravis meant when she said that it would be aggravated by extremes of heat. This was the first time I had really put in any effort in the heat, and I certainly know now what happens. I spent the night with major, major hand and feet cramping and super droopy eyes. MG cramps aren't really like sports cramps and it works a bit differently. So I had to lay low and use as little energy as possible and suffer through it. I took my medicine and went to bed with hopes it would settle down with a good night's sleep unsure if I would be able to safely race the next days events.

Luckily, I woke up as I do any other day now with the MG, a bit slower to get moving while my body waits for my morning dose of MG meds to take effect, but after that, I didn't have any signs of aggravation so I headed back to the Winona trails for a day of Planet Adventure mtb races. I was pretty excited that F &S added 2 full days of mountain biking as I don't consider myself a road racer at all. Especially when I have no team support around me when other riders in the crit would. It would be like Kobe showing up solo to play a full 5 man nba team. His chances of winning aren't very good and would likely be a waste of everyones time. So I started the morning with the 2 full lap tt. I was moving pretty slow compared to the day before, but I managed to snag a win and met my goal of only be 10 minutes slower than the day before. I really had no reason to go out and bury myself, I only needed to go as fast as I needed to to win. After that, I had a short break before the short track race. By this time my legs and engine were pretty much all but running on fumes, but I still had fun doing some racing. Especially since st always gives me a little feeling of the cx season to come. The PA (http://www.indianamtb.com/) guys did a great job of making the day super fun and even though the turnout was low, I have a feeling people will catch on next year and plan on doing more mtb racing on day 2! I managed to win both of these events... with some good competitors of all ages, and I was happy to get out of my cycling race mode and head back over to the village to watch my bud, Josh Johnson race with his Bissell Nuvo squad for the men's 1/2/3 crit. Good job Joshie! 

(... and the two winners of the ST for the weekend! Hopefully we both can repeat this in races in the near future. Kudos also to my Men of Steel teammate Sarah F. on a Cat2 ST and XC win and to all my teamies on great rides over the entire weekend! Thanks to Will's Dad, Mike for the picture. I'm always so proud to see young people enjoy the sport like Will and I just love this picture.)

It was nice to finally relax and sit by the lake with some good friends and watch others do work after a full 2 days of racing and what better setting then the Village of Winona (http://www.villageatwinona.com/) to do it at! After all the racing was done, I chugged a Perrier and ate an entire 1000 Park wood oven pizza in about 5 minutes flat! I think I burned a few calories during the weekend for sure. 

And last but not least, I would be remiss to not mention again that this was my first mtb race back since last year before I had surgery and almost went to ride in heaven for good after that. I felt really thankful and blessed to be able to race in this way, not only because I have a neuromuscular disorder (http://www.myasthenia.org/), but to also because I got to do it in my home trails. We all also know the weekend was a celebration of a friend who has passed on, Robbie Gast. I did that the best way I knew how to celebrate by personally celebrating being alive. Robbie didn't let a moment go by without enjoying life, and almost dying myself, I don't ever want to either!  Four races were the most races I have ever done in a weekend... it was a lot to do, it was kinda crazy, but I think I wanted to prove to myself that I'm not going to let this disease, my dead right lung, or my previous obstacles get the best of me, that I can lead an outstanding life on and off the bike, and live every moment to the fullest until the day God decides it's finally my time. I did it for myself and for all the other people out there that have a disease or disorder that seems like a HUGE obstacle to overcome some days. You can overcome it too! 

As I try to remember:

Lord don't move my mountain... just give me the strength to climb it! 

Believe He will! He did and He does! 

Hello Again!

Wow! Talk about a blog hiatus. Since I've been busy with life the last several weeks and haven't posted, I figured I do a quick run down and put the last weeks in a nutshell before the summer and racing season (before the real racing season of cx) get into full swing. First thing that comes to mind since way back when was a super fun mini camp in Brown County with my Men of Steel (www.menofsteel.com) teammates back in March. As you can see we had a great turnout of guys for camp and one girl... me. We had some great riding weather and it was pretty fun to see how everyone was so fit after a pretty mild northern Indiana winter. The team got in plenty of miles over a couple days and my schedule allowed for me to stay and train a couple more solo after all the guys took off. I've been riding BC several years now and know the area really well, but treated myself to taking some different roads and getting lost a couple times. Mostly, I was rewarded with some fabulous isolated roads, and only found myself in a couple "I could get kidnapped and used for dog food" areas while I was out there. Thankfully, that didn't happen and I'm pretty happy to have some new routes to add to my favorite place to drive and train at! 

(Back in Black for the Mountain Bike and Road season with Men of Steel Racing team p/b Wagner Research)

I was also stoked to hit the State Park and take the new 29er Specialized Epic S-works (aka Big Red) out for it's maiden voyage ( www.specialized.com/us/en/bc/SBCProduct.jsp?spid=61539&scid=1100&scname=Mountain. I haven't had a full suspension bike in a few years since I have never really liked the bob while standing to pedal... but this bike instantly blew me away at how smart the rear suspension "brain" is. Not to mention just how butter smooth the (www.sram.com ) components are! Blew. Me. Away! I can't wait to give it a go in a area that really cries for the aggressive need for suspension. 

(Nice view from my hotel deck after long days of training in BC)

After  four days of riding in the hills I was pretty exhausted. I had not been out of shape, but I had also just been getting over a long lasting bronchitis, so the effort was a good kicker to the system. All that riding turned out to work against me as it was a bit too much too soon in addition to an improper saddle height. After BC camp pretty much up until now, some 6 weeks later, I have struggled with a very painful knee problem. Tight IT led to a mistracking patella, lead to swelling under my kneecap and blah, blah, blah I was facing more time off the bike. It's been limited training time for me, but I was just thankful this happened now and not near cyclocross season. I was also thankful that it wasn't something that needed surgery! These sort of injuries take a lot of time to overcome and I feel pretty blessed to have some time right now to heal up properly. After a check up on my bike and cleat fit with the best fitters in the buiz at Summit City bicycles (www.summitcitybikes.com ) and a  good run of physical therapy with the masters at KCH Regional Rehab, I got things squared away. Thankfully, I'm pretty much back in the saddle and ready to get back to serious training with Coach Mark Faz (www.vantaggiofitness.com). That also means I can start thinking of a nice event and goal for the mtb/ road season too. Not sure what it will be, but with 20+ years of racing under my belt, I'm thinking I may look for a little bit of a different challenge until cx gets here... who knows?

(Rest break with the guys at camp. Don't think you'll find a nicer bunch of guys.)

Aside from all the fun at camp I was also able to get back to racing recently. I did a major crowd attending crit,  worthy of some UCI cyclocross pro races I've done. The streets were packed and everyone cheered the entire 60 minutes! Where could this be you ask? The small town of Goshen Indiana. Seriously, no joke. These people know how to hold a bike race during their "First Friday's" events. The majority of the crowd didn't know or care about how fancy the bikes were, what sort of shoes you had, or how pro you looked. They did know that the first one across the line was the winner and that everyone, and I mean everyone, deserved to be cheered on every lap regardless of what team they were a part of. Great job Goshen (www.goshenindiana.org )! I lined up with the Cat 1/2/3 men since they have yet to include a women's race (but rumor has it they will in 2013). I knew the pace would kill me, but I also knew what doesn't kill me would make me stronger. I got dropped like a brick off the Sears tower. But I gave it my all the entire time and caught the tail of the group each time I was lapped. I didn't crash, I had fun, and I accomplished what I wanted to. I can't stress enough how sweet this event is... if you can take part next year, DO IT!

(Sleepy eyes and stiff legs at the team breakfast table the second day of camp before the riding got started)

Next up for racing is my local race: Fat and Skinny Tire Festival (www.fatandskinnytirefest.com). Also a must do event for those of you who haven't taken part of it yet. I had naturally targeted this to be a weekend to be in good form for this year, but given the circumstances and the knee issue and some other personal issues I've dealt with here the last couple months, it looks like I will try to race above what I'm really fit for and just take whatever that leads to. So is life... take it as it comes. I just plan on enjoying taking part and keeping in mind that I was almost not able to do stuff like this had things went another way for me. I'm also pretty excited about the event adding a full 2 days of mtb in the mix. Since I'm not really a road racer at all, I look forward to spending the weekend in the dirt on some of the best trails there are... and proving that with the right attention, treatment, and determination- a person with myasthenia gravis can be competitively active!


See you all at the races!

From 45 Minutes to 4 Hours! Barry Roubaix.

The much anticipated Barry Roubaix (BR) had everything a spring classic should have. Every since I tackled this race in 2010 I have looked forward to taking on the challenge again with hopes of setting up some good training prep to be competitive in the tough women's field that is always present. I was really disappointed last year when I was forced to sit the race out due to recovering from one of my 5 ankle surgeries and I was thrilled to get to take part in the race this year as a result. I was able to get the weekend off work and slotted my entry just in time before the race would soon sell out at the 1500 rider cap.

I was all set to go... until my training for it went downhill.

Twice.

My first time was with a repeat bout of bronchitis and I took almost 2 weeks off the bike at the beginning of March. I recovered nicely from that just in time for some awesome spring weather that allowed tons of mileage the week I climbed back on the bike. That was good, but the result of the increased hours in the saddle and a seat height that was a inch too low, left me with a screaming overuse IT band injury around my knee. Given that my right knee completely locked up on my rides; I was forced to rest it the entire 8 days leading up to BR weekend. Bummer. Not exactly the killer prep for the "killer gravel road race" I was looking for.

Regardless, despite the smarter part of my brain telling me that I should continue to rest my injury to be safe for the rest of the season, I really didn't want to miss out on this fun event again. Besides, this is a minor set back compared to things that have hit me in the last year, so I didn't want it to totally take me off the starting grid!

With the reality of knowing I would be hurting on the climbs due to the inability to manage a full pedal stroke with that leg, I knew a high finishing out of the 22 tough ladies that signed up would be a long shot. Still, I really wanted to try and I really wanted to do well. In the end though, that really just wasn't meant to be. I would finish in 11th place and although I was disappointed with that placing number beside my name on the results list, I really can't be that sad about it. The race had everything that was perfect about a spring classic, and I had a good time racing out there for 4 hours!

(Taking off on the 62 mile race course with 200 of my best friends. Photo thanks to Julie Sroka)

After a quick prep to get ready to race since my travel mate and I were a little late to get to the venue, I lined up with the other 200 or so racers that were doing the long course of 62 miles. I was entertained by the "neutral" roll out as I quickly found out that the boys were anxious to show off their mild winter training fitness which must have included some MMA routines as well as I had a couple guys feel they needed to see if I would "give up" my line at all by bumping elbows. I was happy once we hit the dirt roads and the race sorted itself out pretty quickly. I felt pretty much like I hadn't rode a bike in over a week and I settled into a steady effort as I got to know a few riders around me. I knew I was pretty much off pace when fellow familiar competitor Bridget Donavan cruised up to me and steadily cruised right by me fairly early in the race as did several other girls. I was happy for Bridget to be killing it, but knew I would just be hanging out for a long ride on the day. After about 35' of riding the IT went into full flare mode as every pedal stroke and hill for the next 3.5 hours brought on a stabbing pain to my knee. Peachy. No powerful climbing from me! On a course that had lots of it... I just wasn't competitive with one leg.

(Dirt road after dirt road... a spring race paradise. Photo from Steve Balogh)

As was the case the first year I did BR, I somehow found myself in a pocket of soloness. I found myself working alone for hours and hours. Either I was too fast or someone else was too fast to work with. I spent 20 miles trying to catch a guy 100 yards in front of me to work with. When I finally caught him and informed his solo self of this, I noticed he had on a full blown race skin suite... and a fanny pack. Oh my. That explained A LOT of why he didn't smarten up to slow down a bit so we could work together for 4o some miles in the elements and the wind. It did, however, give me a little laugh to myself on the all different types of people that take place in mass events.

The promoters did a great job and added a really tough 2 mile off road sandy section to things this year. I think the course was a bit more challenging than 2010, yet I manage to cut about 16 minutes off my overall time. I had a personal goal of wanting to be under the 4 hour mark. I was close. I rolled over the finish line around 4 hours and 2 minutes. Ultra cross is just a bit longer than the 45 minutes of racing I'm geared to for standard cross!

The race had mud, misting rain, a little chilliness, gloomy skies, dead bull frogs scattered across the road that fell victim to the pack, worms stuck to cables, snotty noses from allergies brought on by blooming red buds, and the smell of all sorts of embrocation in the air. I loved every minute of it!

At one point I passed a single speeder as it was raining and I was covered from head to toe in dirt.

He commented to me, "is there any place on earth that you would rather be?"

I smiled to myself, and told him I actually thought everything about the moment was exactly perfect. I was right where I wanted to be.

I've come a long way to learn to love the moment, really love everything else that is happening around me, even though I may not be in the lead or battling for a top position.

After all, as my coach Mark later reminded me after I told him I was disappointed with my placing:

Six months ago I wasn't even riding a bike!

Off Season??

It's the off season...

whatever that means in cycling, right? I'm sure those of us that have been racing the extended cross season feel like the gap has been shortened a bit and the off season seems a little less this year. For me, I think this gap seems a little shorter personally since it's the first winter in 6 years that I haven't had some sort of surgery (everyone knock on wood now!) I'm super excited and feeling very blessed and thankful to say my health is doing well these days and that I'm am very much looking forward to seeing what my body and fitness can do while training without an illness or major setback every few months or so. I can honestly say I don't really know what it's like to not have any major setbacks, so the hope of the new year has got me ready to rock!

(Enjoying some off-season/base training/ coffee shop rides. Aaron's Kermit and my Dirty Harry taking a break while we enjoy some great coffee in the Louisville area)

I had a fabulous time the last several months representing Bob's Red Mill during the cyclocross season, but now it's onto the road and mountain bike season and I will be back riding with my team, Men of Steel, again this year. I've only really been back on the bike training again for the last 3 weeks after needing some time to recover from my arm injury at CX World's and to finally get 100% from the flu that has been going around and has been lingering with me since cyclocross nationals.

I have high hopes for a good showing at Barry Roubaix (BR) in Michigan in a few weeks, so Coach Mark Faz and I have put the training routine in high gear to get me back up to speed from the time I had off the bike. I had done BR a couple years back and can honestly say it was one of the hardest races I had ever done- so I'm clearly nuts since I have signed up again. The race has grown in popularity and seems a lot more quality women have signed up so that's great! I'm taking my experiences from the previous year and my set-up from my Gravel Grovel success to hope for a higher placing than 4th from the last time I did it.

Of course, the ultimate prep for BR this year will be taking part in Sub 9 productions Death March on 3/10. My sherpa Aaron and I will team up and have a fun day in the hills of southern Indiana. The idea of me taking part in a race call a "death march" seems a bit odd since I was on my own personal death march not so long ago... but this time I won't be trying to avoid the grave, we will actually be seeking them out... but only to visit!

(Bring on the Perk! Thankfully too... saved me from a bonk!)

Aside from that, I have been enjoying some relaxing days at home with some good books (The Hunger Games trilogy) sprinkled with an occasional road training trip here and there before the travel and days away from home become more and more as the summer approaches. Aside from BR, I haven't really set my sights on many major goals for the year aside from the cross season, but I'm sure I'll come up with a few before cross is here. I do plan on a full summer of mtb races and an occasional road race or crit, but at this point I'm just being thankful for the healthy time I am having on the bike at the moment!

I know racing is just around the corner and everyone is itching to showcase the fitness they have gained after a mild winter we have all had. This should make for some swift racing right from the get go...

just don't forget to save some legs and heart for cross!

Surprise, surprise! Master's Nats.

There I was.

About 2 minutes into the Master's 35-39 national championship race about to head up the first hill. I was taken back by the moment emotionally for the first time ever in a race.

Normally, I'm rock solid during a race, focused, and I think a tornado could pass by me and I wouldn't flinch at all. But as I headed up the muddy straight to the hill I had an open path ahead of me... I was in the lead. For a fleeting moment I was struck by the realization of something I didn't expect: I could win the race. After all, I wasn't suppose to be here. Not Madison exactly, but here. On earth. I can tell the story about how bad I was, but only I know how bad I felt personally and how this huge void of other riders in front of me was something I didn't expect. The hope of it gave me a ton of joy. After all, my goal for the day after my single speed race was to finish in the top 5. I smiled to myself for a moment and knew I had already won for myself. There isn't anything quite like the feeling of real hope. Just like when I was sick and had no doubt I wasn't going to make it, the moment I felt hope of living was a thought I will never forget... just like this moment. I exceeded every expectation of myself right then and there. It was a pleasant surprise.

Time to snap out of it though. On to the remainder of the race. I knew I had my work cut out for me on top of all that already happened during the season. I had been feeling sick since the SS race and I didn't know how it would effect me. The other work would be the heavy favorite who had won the uci elite women's race in Chicago the previous weekend. I'll say it once to get it out of my system: why anyone who WINS a well staked UCI elite race turns around and races a master's national champ race is beyond me. Personally, I think it's bad form. Just sayin. There.

As to no surprise, I quickly lost the lead on the hill. It was sloppy enough that everyone dismounted to run it. By this point it was a clear group of 4 of us that had already gained a fair gap on the main field. This would be the race for stars and bars here. Being that I had not raced national level races all year, I took a look around to assess who I was racing here. I knew the pro Sally would do her thing. I recognized a CO sponsor on one of the gals kits (perhaps some good mtb skills?) and knew Corey C from previous years. But how would everyone hold up? I had no idea.

As the first lap played out I just focused on me. The other 3 gals gained a slight amount of time on me and I was in 4th for quite some time. I had made a few minor errors the first lap and needed to adjust some lines for the next time around. It was also clear that a clean bike would be needed from the Bob's Red Mill mechanics (Dave and Ray) in the busy pits every lap if not more. The course was tons of fun, but it required patience as the corners were so slick that standing up out of the corners wouldn't be possible. I had power, I just had to pick the best spots to redirect it. So I did. Near the end of the 2nd lap I regained the 2nd and 3rd place group. and held steady with them. It was clear to me that Corey was getting a bit tired but Kristal from CO was strong in the technical sections and could ride the climbs better then myself. We dropped Corey near the end of the 2nd lap. And there it was again: hope. Would I finally break that 4th place spot at nats? I knew 1st place was way off the front, but it was a real chance I

could get 2nd. Surprise!

The 3rd lap we held the group going back and forth. I knew where I was stronger and weaker. Coming through the start/ finish on the final lap I decided to try and gain some time in the power requiring muddy straights and I held 2nd place for a while. It was really cool to have so many people cheering for me personally out there! I was so excited and thrilled to be in that position and this just put icing on the cake! Thanks to all of you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7qS2meiNCY

(Nice little video of last lap battle by Marion U's Dean Peterson. Thanks Dean!)

Kristal slowly gained some more time back up to me and we were in a straight up mano e mano battle for 2nd. I knew she would get me on the last hill so I knew I had to take a chance and try to gain time by riding the sketchy sand pit before that. I dove into it. Rode it. Until I bobbled. Darn. She instantly gained 5 seconds on me. I got it back together and put my head down and tried my best to get back to her. You never know right? Anything can happen in cross. Turns out though, it didn't. We held that placing to the end. I came across in 3rd place and was completely happy with the way I raced. I had a blast. To me, that's what racing should be. Bar to bar, a nail bitter to the end that requires risks to be taken. I just happened to bobble, but that's okay. If given the chance again... would I take the safe route? Who knows? Knowing me, probably not. No sense in playing it back now. Life is shaped by the risks, chances, failures, and heartbreaks we experience. There are no "do overs."

I can't say enough how proud I was to have gotten 3rd. I can't say how proud I was really to even just be racing. It was a personal struggle that so many have helped me overcome. Months ago when I was unsure of how my health would handle the recovery, handle functioning with 1 and a half lungs, handle dealing with a chronic illness of myesthenia gravis; I told my closest friend, my Mom, that I would accept never being able to ride seriously again. It was a heartbreaking acceptance knowing what I love so much was not going to be possible anymore. But it might be my fate, and I had to move on and accept it.

How would you get along if you could no longer do what you love the most?

I accepted whatever God had planned for me, but I wanted to see how it would go. Which was it: yes or no?

At the end of the day a writer from Cyclocross magazine, Ted Burns, (http://www.cxmagazine.com/cyclocross-national-championships-2012-masters-women-35-39-madison ) interviewed me on the race. In his report later he said my story was worthy of a true Hoosier comeback story. That's what he told me at the end of the interview too. Of course, I love that movie. I grew up with a basketball in my hands, lived and breathed basketball. I still get excited during the final game of the movie. Everything about my basketball life parallelled the plot of Hoosiers it seemed. I grew up in a town of 140 people in Indiana, no one thought we could ever be at the top. The team in Hoosier's didn't belong in a state final. But they did and it was a wonderful story in the end. A real tear jerker.

When I got back to my truck to change before the podium presentation I glanced at my phone. So many messages from loved ones, friends, and family. Everyone was so happy for me and had a blast following the race online. It was a cool moment to read though all the messages. They were happy for me, but even if no one would have been... I was happy for my own personal reasons.

This was the end to my story for the season... I reflected on the last half year quietly to myself. It was a good story. But for me, it wasn't just a tear jerker.

I let the entire flood gates open!